I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts my entire body. I want to reach out to you, to look you in the eyes, to tell you I am sorry, I wish you could see my eyes, I wish you could read my soul, and I wish you knew what you mean to me.
I miss you.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
ashamed
I am ashamed. I am ashamed that I have to beg for your attention. Any attention. I'm hurt and distraught that you would actually post to your status that you are going throw mafia wars withdrawal, but you were unable to even send me a 'hi' or a 'toumulu'. I'm ashamed that I have to ask if you miss me, or if you are thinking of me. When did we go from being best friends, Twizzles, and besties to this? How did it happen? What did I do?
You say HiH, and you only say it because you know I'll hurt if you do not. What meaning does it have? You said that we would be friends forever, and that if we stop talking, it would be mutual. This is not mutual. This is you. Everything we did, everything that made us Twizzles, Twizzles4Life, you have taken away. Good nights? Only if I message, and then, only if you feel like talking to me. You tell me that it would mean more if you say it when you feel it and want it. I agree. How long do I wait? Days? Weeks? It's been weeks. You were at Bay Fest.
Phone calls? Non existent.
What did I do? Wanting you in my life? Needing you in my life? Thinking and feeling that you are the most amazing and yes, the most beautiful person I have ever known? And now, nothing. You want nothing to do with me.
Your words say that my friendship means much, but your actions tell me to go away. How do I know what to believe? How do I decide? Why can't you tell me what's going on in your head?
You say we talk all the time. I message here, a message there, a poke here, a poke there, is not talking, it's not "hey, how are you? what's going on in your life?" What did I do? I love you. You loved me. How does it change? You said feelings do not change, so what did I do? Did I abuse you? Did I hurt you?
All I want is time with my best friend. and my best friend is gone.
You say HiH, and you only say it because you know I'll hurt if you do not. What meaning does it have? You said that we would be friends forever, and that if we stop talking, it would be mutual. This is not mutual. This is you. Everything we did, everything that made us Twizzles, Twizzles4Life, you have taken away. Good nights? Only if I message, and then, only if you feel like talking to me. You tell me that it would mean more if you say it when you feel it and want it. I agree. How long do I wait? Days? Weeks? It's been weeks. You were at Bay Fest.
Phone calls? Non existent.
What did I do? Wanting you in my life? Needing you in my life? Thinking and feeling that you are the most amazing and yes, the most beautiful person I have ever known? And now, nothing. You want nothing to do with me.
Your words say that my friendship means much, but your actions tell me to go away. How do I know what to believe? How do I decide? Why can't you tell me what's going on in your head?
You say we talk all the time. I message here, a message there, a poke here, a poke there, is not talking, it's not "hey, how are you? what's going on in your life?" What did I do? I love you. You loved me. How does it change? You said feelings do not change, so what did I do? Did I abuse you? Did I hurt you?
All I want is time with my best friend. and my best friend is gone.
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